Archeological Scoop: A Fecal Matter

I daresay we will never know much about the Weans, but we now know enough to evaluate them as a minor culture, with a rudimentary religion devoted to a god named Oscar, who was worshipped by rocking and rolling. They enjoyed their brief moment in history, established their hegemony in the land of We with a ruler pharoah named May-Cee. They built their empire, by the sword, and when the sword rusted, they died by another's such as Egypt, Babylon, Greece, and Rome, leaving behind them curious city mounds, a splendid tomb, and no music. ~ Gore Vidal, "The Weans," 1956

The latest exciting archaeological discovery in Oregon focuses not on ancient tools, or gold artifacts, but human poop. Apparently there was enough organic matter in the sample to carbon date the deposit at 14,300 years old. It was evident that the persons had eaten a chipmunk, a sage grouse, and drank some rosehip tea. The 'cropolites' also revealed enough evidence that these cave dwellers contained genetic material similar to those ancestors from Asia and Siberia.

The conclusions reached by these archeologists reminds me of Vidal's humorous radio play set in Ethiopia in the year 7956 A.D. Broadcasters from Radio Rhodesia provide a live report from the Great West Continent and the archaeological discoveries there. Their scientific conclusions are dramatic, quite off base, but with some ironic truths.

We can trust all archeological findings until the next discovery...